


Isn't That Hilarious?

by InsomniaDusk



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bill swears a lot, Bill's alarmingly calm throughout, Dipper's a bit angsty, Don't Judge Him, F/F, He's a demon, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mabel's weirdly supportive, Older Dipper Pines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5015404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniaDusk/pseuds/InsomniaDusk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill tries the human thing, with unexpected results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Isn't That Hilarious?

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a Bill x Dipper thing, and I did. Enjoy. Or not. I'm not here to tell you what to do, I'm just here to write.

Where's Pine Tree? Somewhere in these woods. Hiding from me. I know exactly where he is, but I think I'll leave him alone awhile. Why? No idea. It'll get him scared, I guess, wondering where I am and when I'll strike. Who knows, maybe I won't.  
Fear is hilarious.

/I\

It's been a few years since they beat me, those damn Pines. Of course, they couldn't keep me away forever. It was a bit too convenient that I found that spell. This body it gave me, it's human and depressingly vulnerable. I mean, it's still a lot more durable than Pine Tree's was, but I guess that's because this one's my own?

Whatever. It's bleeding right now. Not red like a human body would, but black. That's proof enough I'm still a demon. But, hell, it hurts. I used to think pain was hilarious, but this kind I can't escape without destroying this body, and, honestly, I don't want to.

There is a vast difference between possessing a body an d owning one. Every sensation, physical, emotional, whatever, is so much stronger. The veil's been lifted. I'm actually impressed by how much these flesh bags feel.

  
/I\

  
There he is, standing by that dumb house. He's alone, sitting under a tree, scrawling something into one of Stanford's journals. No this one has a four stamped on its cover. Must be his own - yes, I can sense the attachment.

Anyways, he's gotten taller. If I've got the whole human age thing right, he's what, 17? 18? Something like that. Who cares? He looks good. All the right angles, nothing like that awkward little twerp from five years back. Why am I saying this? He's human. Humans are gross.

He's looked up. He's staring into the  woods and it feels like he's staring at me. But I'm hidden in a shroud of spells and Pine Tree couldn't see me even if he ran into me. And I can see him.

I  should want to kill him. Part of me does, but there's something else. What is that? Some human bullshit, no doubt. This body is a pain.  
Also, hard to maintain. I'm beginning to stink. What do humans do when they stink? Hell if I know. But maybe I should. I should know everything, and yet human ablution practices are a mystery to me. But, gods, this smell is awful. And these clothes are awful...what the hell do I do???

  
/I\

  
Pine Tree found me out. He stumbled upon me in the woods, trying to figure out why my stomach kept making noises and hurt so much. He was nice at first, albeit cautious, offering to get me some food and decent clothes and all that jazz, until I smiled and wondered aloud what he wants in return. He recognized my voice and got all tense. Wanted to know who I was possessing. I told him no one. Told him about the spell. He didn't believe me.

Typical asshole Pines. Sure, I lie a lot. I mean a lot. But he could've took in my condition and maybe, I don't know, pitied me? Okay, ew, I don't need a human pitying me. No.

It took me forever to finally convince him this shell was, in fact, mine. Nothing verbal worked, it was only when I started proactively trying to avoid getting hurt, killed, whatever, by the thing that showed up out of nowhere and tried to kill us that he realized I was telling the truth. It also took me a minute to remember I was still powerful enough to kill the thing, but that's irrelevant. There was a lot of blood.

But now I'm doing the thing humans do to clean themselves. I've submerged myself in a pool of hot water in this place humans call a bath room. It's actually pretty pleasant. All the dirt's gone and my hair looks more like fold than straw now. The smell's gone too, and that's pretty great. I hate human stink, even my own human stink.

Pine Tree's out there arguing with Shooting Star and the others. They're mad about them bringing me inside. I'm dangerous, they say. And, oh yeah, I am. I'm like fox - pure sex and vile. Look at these teeth - they could rip a man's arm off.

The yelling's stopped and Pine Tree's at the door. He says he'll get me some clothes. I tell him I can  materialize my own. I can do that.

I step from the bath and let the water stream down my body. It's this pleasant tan-ish brown, a prettier shade, I think, than Pine Tree's. But his isn't bad, I guess. And man, this towel is soft. I almost don't want to put clothes on.  
 

/I\

  
He's asleep. Shifting and stirring, bare legs hanging out from twisted blankets. His mouth's open and he's kind of drooling. Gross, but also...I don't know. I guess I like it for some reason.

This body is messing with me. I should want to invade his dreams, give him hell because, why the hell not, it's funny, but instead I'm crouched mid-air, just staring at him. Why?

Besides the obvious weirdness with Pine Tree, there's another weirdness. My body feels heavy and my eyes don't want to stay open. This feeling's bugged me before, but I've managed to tell it to fuck off every time. But now it's persistent. Now my eyelids won't stay up. Now I'm drifting to the floor. It's weirdly cozy. Maybe I'll just lay here awhile. Maybe I'll just...sleep.

  
/I\

  
I dreamed last night. This was...the first time that's ever happened. I don't remember much of it, bit Pine Tree was there for some reason, doing something pleasant. I don't know what he was doing, i just know it was pleasant. Odd how i can remember feelings and not events.

Pine Tree's here now, staring down at me. That's disapproval isn't it? Well fuck you. Wait, what's so funny? Me sleeping? I have to eat and bathe too, so it's not that weird. Fuck you, Pine Tree, you have to do the exact same shit.

Fucking hell, he's annoying. That laughter makes me want to kill him creatively, but also, it's not bad. Pleasant somehow. I don't know why I like it, but I do. This damn human is confusing the hell out of me. Quite a feat since I am a demon.

Puns aside, I'm hungry again. He says he'll bring my food up to me since he's not sure no one would die if I ate with his family. I tell him I don't plan on killing any of those sorry asses. He says he's not worried about them. Okay, so he's worried about me.

Strange, I thought he despised me. Humans are walking bags of flesh and confusion. And blood. I'm rather fond of that part.

  
/I\

  
I'm allowed to move around the house now.

After a couple of weeks of not killing or maiming anyone (within the house - they don't need to know where the blood's coming from) Pine Tree's let me roam free. I mean, I could have before he gave me permission, but I was being polite.

Anyways, the others don't talk to me. Well, Mabel does, but it took her a minute to decide to and she's usually pretty cautious.

Stanford's glowering at me from the entrance of the Shack, silently debating on leaving even though he just arrived. I give him a shark-toothed smile. He turns on his heel and vanished out the door.

I've never really liked that one.

  
/I\

  
Pine Tree insists that I call him by his given name. Apparently me calling him "Pine Tree" all the time has led to some teasing from Mabel.

Apparently Mabel's gotten used to me being here. Apparently she doesn't hate me. Apparently I don't hate her.

But, anyways, Dipper has been teaching me how to be human. Honestly, it's all a little tedious, but for some reason I don't mind. It's this body. I don't think it'll leave me alone until I shed it. But I probably won't. Not for awhile, anyways.

  
/I\

  
We've taken to adventuring together. How it happened, I can't guess, but it just sort of did. My screwing with you hiatus has somehow made us friends?

Whatever. Maybe he just finds me useful to tag along. It makes it easier to avoid life threatening situations because, for some reason, I've taken to keeping him safe.

I like looking at him, talking to him, being with him. I don't know how this has happened, but I'm not going to play the stupid card and say I don't know what this is. I've begun to fall in love with Dipper Pines. Clearly the multiverse has decided to play some sick joke on me.

But there he is, looking back and asking if I'm okay because I've stopped walking and started frowning at nothing. And there he is, getting closer, putting a hand on my shoulder. And there he is, staring at me, his mouth slightly ajar, clean white teeth stating out from behind his lips. And those lips are on mine now, and his hand's on my waist and another's coiling around my wrist.

The kiss feels good and his breath tastes like the granola bars he's been eating and something I'm positive is uniquely Dipper.

He pulls away and I give him a shark smile because I'm positively okay with the thing that just happened. But he spins away and marches briskly ahead, fists clenched at his sides. Apparently he's angry. At himself, I hope, because I haven't done shit. I bet he's mad I didn't reject him. He must still think I hate him, that I'm pure evil. What an ass.

  
/I\

  
What are we? he asks. He's been kissing me a lot lately. Sometimes I've been kissing him. It's gotten weird, turned into begrudged hand holding, and me sitting in his lap and us just laying in his bed kissing or snuggling. It's all shit I've never thought about, much less tried, doing. But I like it. I think I'd like it better of he took off his clothes. Hmmm. First he has to stop being a little bitch about all this. Admit it, Pine Tree, you like it as much as I do. You like me as much as I like you.

Boyfriends? I try. He frowns. Says he thinks he loves me, but he doesn't know why. I tell him I feel the same.

He's in his desk chair and I slide into his lap. He tells me he thought he only liked girls. Fucking hell, Pine Tree, you're as gay as I am. Ask Mabel. She knows all about this because she's nosey and likes to spy. I know she's teased you about this. I know she's given you relationship advice because her thing with Pacifica is going so well. I'm pretty sure she's happy for you because somehow she's tricked herself into thinking I'm a good person. Pine Tree, I am not even a person, much less a good one. I've always known this, and so have you. Yet you love me.

He stares at me. I put my arms around his neck and my mouth at his ear. I call him something particularly offensive, something that doesn't work because it applies to both of us. He gives a shaky laugh and calls me something worse, which, again, doesn't work.

His mouth is on mine and our hands are going everywhere and those damnable clothes are thrown away and we stumble into his bed. Again, I'm impressed by how much this body feels. I'm a little embarrassed by those sounds I'm making, but yours aren't any better, Pine Tree And this feels to great for me to even linger on those. Mine, anyways. I think I like yours.  
Isn't that hilarious?

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos or comments. I love constructive criticism, it helps me write better.


End file.
